Not Feeling So Well

So I have not been feeling good lately.

Sick
Drained
Weak
Lethargic
Pressure headache
Shallow breathing
Nausea
Confused and unclear thinking
Depressed
Freezing cold hands and feet

All of the above. I really hate feeling like this and it makes me extremely sad when I do. This is not a new thing for me at all. I have been getting these ill "spells" since I was around 14 years old. No, I'm not pregnant. I have seen countless doctors and been through countless tests and they can find nothing wrong with me. It is so frustrating to go through all of these tests and spend a ton of money only to find...nothing. Don't get me wrong I am grateful that nothing is wrong but I would still love an answer to my problems so I can then find a solution. It is a horrible process and feeling this way takes away my life. I vaguely could hear my husband and daughter playing and it made me feel worse to not be a part of it. Then I heard the took a wagon ride and it almost killed me.

Reason #600 why I love my husband: I am so grateful for such a supportive husband and one who STILL wanted to marry me even knowing that I have so many medical problems and illnesses. Thank you Steve, you make my life worth living; otherwise, I would just want to give up.

I am so grateful that my daughter is healthy and so full of life. She is amazing and every day she leaves me in awe of how much her brain grows and learns and is so full of energy and happiness. Sadie was quite sick when she was a baby, she had colic very badly, which drove mommy into pretty bad PPD. Then once the colic went away she had a wheezing problem and now that seems to have subsided. Thank God.

Sometimes I look at her and think I want a million more just like her. Then she has so much energy I just imagine that I am tired and worn down now, how would it be with 2? I just think though that she needs a sibling and it would be amazing to share our life with another child and build our family and memories together. Then I stop again and think about the financial aspect of everything. I have to work no doubt about it. I feel some days when I drop Sadie off at daycare or her grandmas that they get to experience life with her and see all of the little cute things she does and I miss out on everything. I have frequently said to my mother-in-law, "did you see/hear Sadie doing/saying ______?" She will then say, "she has been doing that for weeks." Then I feel like a horrible mother. A mom who is not there. A mom who does not even know her own child. Not a mom.

I also wonder if we have another child would we be able to provide him/her with the life that we want to give him/her? All of the things Sadie has been blessed with and all of the things she has gotten to do, Florida 3 times before she is even 2 years old, wonderful clothing and furniture, only the best food, swimming lessons, constantly getting books/toys/presents, huge parties to celebrate her life (birthday and baptism) special one-on-one time with mom/dad/grandmas, would our second child miss out on this plus more? Will Sadie end up missing out on things she would want to do because we wouldn't have the money? I wouldn't want her to resent us because she does not get the opportunities she wants because we selfishly wanted another child. Would the financial strain and struggle to balance careers be worth it?

I was trying to think the math out the other day.

Daycare is $50 a day per child.
2 kids x 2 days each x 4 weeks $800 a month.
(That is IF my mother-in-law can watch the 2 kids 2 days a week.)
Wow, so that means we will pay double the $4800 a year we pay now for Sadie.
=$9600 a year in just daycare alone!

That does not include all of the "new" things we would need for a baby.

Clothes (please, please, please let it be a boy!)
New Bedroom set (because hopefully it will be a boy)
New crib (since Sadie "ate" hers)
Bottles
Diapers
Formula
Baby Food
Medical Bills from delivery

So see this is my dilemma. We wanted to try for another next April when Sadie turns 2 but I guess we will see and pray about it. Will I get a better, closer to home job? Will Steve get a new better job? Will we get all of the bills paid off that we want to get paid off now?

Honda Fit
Steve's Work Van
2 nd Mortgage
Medical Bills
Student Loans (yuck)

I guess time will tell but for now I will leave you with my favorite baby names (IF we do have another baby we want his/her name to start with a C since my name is Catherine and Steve already has an S for Sadie).

Camden (my fav.)
Carson
Connor (Steve's fav.)

Camille
Adyson (still love it even if it does not start with a C)
Grace (Again still love it)

Review

So we had a very fun weekend!

Friday Night: All the way home from work I was CRAVING pizza. So when I got home my mom was there from a fun and busy day of watching Sadie and we all decided to try pizza from this new place called Dan Good Pizza. We had some difficulty since our Internet and cable were still down from the storm that just hit but we eventually just ordered pepperoni and cheese and cheese bread. So Sadie and I attempted to take some silly photos while waiting for the pizza but she was more interested in watching My Friends Tigger and Pooh.

OMG, it was like the best pizza ever! It was just amazing.

So then my mom left and Steve and I watched Borat just because we had no TV but we barely got through it before we decided to just go to bed and listen to the radio, just like the old times.

Saturday: Thank goodness Steve didn't work till 9 a.m. so at least I got to "sleep in" until 7:30 a.m. Grrr. Well, I got up anyway because who can resist a little voice calling "mamamama?" So soon it was time for my hubby to go to work and Sadie and I waved goodbye to him as he left. Afterward, we laid around and read books until it was time to get ready for swimming lessons. I got Sadie all ready to go around 10:00 a.m. so we would be a little early and get in some swim time outside before class. So on our way there we stopped at McDonalds for my favorite, cheapest, summer obsession - sweet tea and then headed off to the gym.

Of course all the way there Sadie was pointing and saying "more, more, more" trying to get to the sweet tea. So as soon as we get to the gym I give Sadie some sweet tea and she proceeds to spit it all over herself. Great. Well, at least she was in her bathing suit so hopefully no one noticed.

So we got into the class and the other 2 boys had both parents so I must admit it made me miss my husband so much :( (not that I don't miss him every other second of the day). So we got started with class and it was a new girl teaching it so she took us all the way down to the deep end. The pool was so cold we were all freezing. Soon Sadies lips were turning purple and another little boy had a shivering lip. Thank goodness the pool heated up a little so we began class. The new teacher focused more on each individual instead of the group like we did last class. This time we did one song where we had to dunk the baby and Sadie was a little scared afterward it so we did not do anymore dunking. We did some exercises on the big mats again and we also did some wearing a floating backpack. Then we had to do this thing where we put the baby on the ledge and practice us getting in and out (in case we have a pool without a ladder??) so of course I was the only parent that couldn't do the getting out part, lol. I ended up falling under the water, hahaha, such a clutz and the other parents were staring at me. The teacher worked with Sadie on blowing bubbles underwater and guess what? She did it! Such a smarty pants.

So once that was over we quickly headed home for a shower since my mother-in-law was coming to pick Sadie up so I could write the 10 page paper I had due. So I quickly got her ready (thank goodness I had everything laid out) and my mother-in-law showed up promptly at 12:30 as promised. So for the next 5 hours I sat and dreadfully wrote the paper which I did not feel too confident in but it was all I had so I guess it would have to do. Our cable and Internet came back around 4:00 p.m. which was great so I didn't have to go up to Panera Bread to use their connection. So at 5:30 p.m. I left for my in-laws for dinner, Jet's pizza of course. We stayed for a bit but left quickly since Sadie was extremely crabby.

Reason #567 why I love my husband, on the way to his car he saw a baby bird laying in the road and before he left he caught it and made sure it was okay. How sweet!

Sunday: Sadie decided to wake up early (6:30 a.m.) and cause havoc around the house while I was still half asleep. First, she decided to dump a 500 pack of mini hair ties on the floor. Lovely. Then she pulled all of my headbands and hairspray out that she could find and yes that is a tampon she is putting in her mouth (it will be years before she despises these).

Once that mess was cleaned up I put her in her high chair for breakfast while I was taking care of a few things around the house and not even her Sippigrippi could save her milk from spilling. Well, no need to cry over spilt milk right?

So eventually we got it together and started to get ready for my hubby to come back home at 8:30-ish (he had to go to work for a meeting from 6:00 a.m.-8:00 a.m.). So when he got home I asked him again if we could go to church (I was already wearing my church clothes) and he willingly said yes. So we get all dolled up and ready by 9:00 a.m. and church started at 9:30 a.m. so we left early so we didn't have to rush.

So we got there and as we were getting out of the car I was telling Sadie how she was going to the nursery. Steve was like, "nursery?" I was like, "yes, she is going in there because there is no way we can listen if we are chasing her around." So we get to the nursery and Sadie is acting clingy. She NEVER acts like this but since daddy was there of course she was trying to make mommy look bad. So after a few minutes the nursery lady was like, "you can just go and she will be fine." I was like, "I know it is just easier that way." So of course she starts hysterically screaming like she is being murdered. Figures. So Steve is all upset about this situation and does not want to leave her there and is getting upset that we left her. So we get up to the sanctuary and can still hear her screaming all the way down the hall. So Steve picks the seat closest to the hall so he can hear her screaming. Torture. So by this time we are in a little scuffle because I know she will be fine and we have to teach her and yes it is hard but she was literally feet away, she was dry, full and they had my cell phone number in case of any problems. Plus, I have taken her there before so it was not like her first time. So after a few minutes Steve runs down to check on her and he said the nursery lady was still holding her but that she was fine. Phhheewww. So we eventually make up and start listening to the service. I just love going to church with my husband and it literally brings me to tears when I think about it. When we first started dating we used to go and he would hold my hand through the service and we would hold hands and pray and it was just amazing. So I really wanted to rekindle that feeling and I'm glad we got to go. I went down to get Sadie from the nursery so she could get blessed during communion and she was having so much fun she didn't want to go. So we got her up there, got communion and had to go because she just wanted to cause trouble the rest of the service.

So we got home and Sadie had lunch and we put her down for a nap while we tried to figure out the rest of our day. We knew we were going to see Transformers 2 but just not what time. So we were also taking our nephew Eric and found out that he was home early from a camping trip which was great news because we didn't have to wait till it was too late to go. So we tried to buy tickets online and they were not available so I had to run to the movie theater to make sure we could even get them and then since I was going out I had to stop and get our lunch meat for the week too.

So luckily we got tickets for the 1:45 p.m. showing which worked out great since Steve's brother dropped his nephew off at 12:30 p.m. So as soon as my mom got there we took off to the movie. So of course Eric and I had to have the works: popcorn, drinks and candy (luckily I stocked up at the dollar store before hand). Steve of course wanted no part of this and wanted to get seats but whatever. He dealt with it. So we get our goodies and go in and there are plenty of seats. So the movie was good. Not a movie I would typically desire to see but it was good. There were a lot of scenes with stuff blowing up and guns, etc. So that part didn't really interest me but I was able to follow the story line pretty well. Of course by the end all is good in the world and it is not going to be destroyed by Deceptacons. My favorite character was Bumblebee. I love his personality and think he was just cute through the whole movie. Boy was it long though. Wow. 2.5 hours and by the end I was dying.

Then my mom texts me that one of my favorite reality show stars, Billy Mays, died. WHAT!? I was a huge fan of the show Pitchmen and had just showed my mom a few episodes I had Tivoed. Geeze what is happening these days?

So after the movie and the news Steve surprised us by taking us to Texas Roadhouse. This is definitely one of my favorite places to eat because I am in love with the bread that they give you and the cinnamon butter along with it, yummy. So I ordered the pulled pork and ribs and it was just so delectable, Steve had the cheeseburger and Eric had the shrimp and rice. Loved it!

When we were done, Steve dropped me off at home and took Eric home. I talked to my mom for a bit but she had to go so Sadie and I hung out for awhile. We read every book she has at least 2 times and she loved it. So we were laying on the floor talking and I said, "mommy wants to go night night" Sadie replied, "night night?" Then she delicately laid her head down next to me. How sweet. So as soon as daddy got home she said night night, unfortunately she wouldn't "say" it for him but she did give kisses. After that I submitted my paper via email and we went to bed. Poor girl is also teething so she now has 6 little teeth (The 2 coming in on the bottom are still nubs) but she has been running a low grade fever lately but she has been a trooper.

The end.

Boom, Boom, Boom

So I am a fan of music and I like to listen to it. It basically gets me through my day. Right now my favorite song is Boom, Boom, Pow by the Black Eyed Peas. Do these lyrics make any sense?

Gotta get-get, gotta get-get
Gotta get-get,
gotta g-g-g-get-get-get,
get-getBoom boom boom, gotta get-getBoom boom boom,
gotta get-getBoom boom boom,
gotta get-getBoom boom boom,
gotta get-getBoom boom boom,
nowBoom boom boom,
nowBoom boom powBoom boom Yo I got that hit that beat the block
You can get that bass overload
I got the that rock and roll
That future flow
That digital spit
Next level visual s***
I got that boom boom pow
How the beat bang,
boom boom pow
I like that boom boom pow
Them chickens jackin' my style
They try copy my swagger
I'm on that next s*** now
I'm so 3008
You so 2000 and late
I got that boom, boom, boom
That future boom, boom, boom

(Lyrics courtsey of http://www.metrolyrics.com/boom-boom-pow-lyrics-black-eyed-peas.html)

Yeah, not to me either. So why do I like this song? I have no idea besides the fact that it gets me pumped up and happy and that is definately a feeling I like. This tends to happen to me with a lot of music and everyone is always like why do you like this? I guess it is the same reason I like reality TV, it is mindless and stupid and doesn't require me to think very hard. Rarely when I hear a song do I ever listen to the word to the song but I am more interested in the beat and how I feel when I hear it.

So after work, Steve, Sadie and I met up at Red Robin for dinner since I had class at 5:30. I got there first and went in and ordered our usual. Two Bacon Cheeseburgers, plain, well done and with American Cheese. Sadie got a grilled cheese and I decided to treat myself with a milkshake. So The burger was great but the milkshake just didnt hit the spot.

So since Sadie was really crabby Steve left even though I still had an hour before class started. So I went over to Oakland Mall to see if there were any good deals happening. As soon as I walked in I got a phone call from my school, CLASS WAS CANCELELD! Yeeeeesssss. So I immediately headed home.

Well, it had been raining and Steve told me it was pretty bad out by his moms but I had so happened to miss the storms everywhere I went (lucky). So unfortunately, I had to sit in traffic for sometime since it was rush hour but when I got home I noticed branches and trees down everywhere, firetrucks and Steph (my BFFE) sent me a picutre of the Sams club she works at (which is right down the street) was hit by a tornado and the roof caved in! Wow!

So looks like I missed out on the action but by the time I got home and changed into my house clothes and was going outside to clean up branches Steve was just getting home. Some of our neighbors were hit pretty hard with trees.

So we got home and were sitting around when my mom called to say that Michael Jackson died! She didn't think it was real and she wanted me to look it up and sure enough he did. It was just strange.

Ed McMahon also died on Tuesday.

Farrah Faucett also died on the same day as Michael Jackson.

So after we watched all the coverage of all the celebrity deaths (on EVERY channel) we began to go through our plans for Disney that I have come up with and let's just say Steve was not too happy. I planned on eating out quite a bit but most of the selections were quick service just to grab something so we wouldn't have to leave and go home and eat. Well, Steve wants that changed so looks like I have to redo a few things and then go through everything with everyone else and see where we go from there. Looks like it is back to touringplans.com to update our daily agendas.

The Red Wagon

So one of our current favorite activities is taking walks around our block with Sadie in her red wagon. The Easter bunny brought her the wagon and since that day she has been in love with it. Everything about it: the color, the door and even how the seat has a secret compartment in it.

She just loves to ride in the wagon. When she sees it in the garage she points and goes "uhhuhhh" and tries to reach for it. So cute. So last night Steve made us spaghetti and then we gave Sadie a bath and took our walk. This is also a great way for Steve and I to just talk about our day and what is coming up. Sadie likes to point to things like flowers and dogs. I cherish times like these and I hope these are the memories Sadie has her whole life through.

She also has to always push the garage door button everytime she passes by it and gets so excited when the door goes up and down.

Packrat

So my husband pretty much is a pack rat. He claims not to be and coming from a family that is extreme pack rats he gets offended when I mention this. So last night I was surfing the web and this conversation happens.

Steve, "What are you looking at?"

Katie, "I wanted to sell my wedding dress and I wanted to see if anyone else had one listed and if so for how much"

Steve, "You are not selling your wedding dress"

Katie, "Why not? It is sitting in a closet and I don't plan on getting married again soon"

Steve, "Does anything have sentimental value to you?"

Katie, "Yes, but I am just sick of all this clutter"

Steve, "Never mind then just sell it"

Katie, "No, now I don't want to"

So we have been discussing this subject quite a bit since I have sold some others stuff on ebay that Steve didn't exactly approve of like dresses that are a size 14 that I bought when I was pregnant to wear to our wedding shower. Well, I don't want to be a size 14 so I saw no need to hang onto clothes that I have no desire to fit into. So this is our current debate. I made a commitment to myself that I would pick my battles wisely and this is just not going to be one of them.

So I watched Jon and Kate plus 8 last night despite the fact that Steve despises this show and he converted me to see how Kate was using the show to get stuff for herself and didn't really care about her kids despite how much she said so. I eventually got sick of the show being a constant advertisement for all types of products! It was guaranteed that when you watch this show you will see some type of product or place being pedaled by Jon and Kate who in turn get it for free. Take for example Disney. Jon and Kate didn't pay a dime to stay at a deluxe hotel with VIP service for them and all of their kids. You would never see a normal family, with two working parents, staying at a Deluxe resort eating ice cream with Mickey and Minne beside Cinderellas castle for FREE. I mean it just came to a point where the show was not following them in their "real life." It also irks me when I see their kids "have a new Fisher Price play house" and what do you know, the next commercial is for a "Fisher Price play house." Even last night on the big "divorce" episode what do you know they are pushing something called crooked house - will it ever stop? Come on.

So last night they announced they are getting divorced. We see Jon on the left side of the couch alone with Kate's "empty spot" and then over to Kate on the couch alone with Jon's "empty spot." Now I do have sympathy for the children involved in this and how they are going to be as adults in this society. They have lived most of their life under television cameras and I specifically remember one episode when Kate was busy shopping for furniture and one of the children was constipated so Jon proceeds to take him out to the car and literally pull the poop out of his butt, and it was all on camera. I personally think money has turned Kate into a monster and she wants to continue the show "for her kids" no she wants to do it for herself because without the show she would have to go back to work at a normal job and then what would happen to their million dollar mansion and freebies? I think doing something "for her kids" would be to work on her marriage even if that means stopping the show and getting a job like the rest of us have to and working it out with your spouse and doing everything you can to keep your family together. I didn't once hear them talk about going to talk to a counselor or trying every other thing to rekindle the love I know they had. I think "the kids" would have had fonder memories of life with both parents rather than life with mommy and the beloved film crew. Lets just hope that all the money these kids are making is going into some sort of trust fund or college fund. Has anyone else notice how Kate is dressing in all Ann Taylor now, she is tan, nails always done, hair always perfect and wearing a string bikini on the beach? I'm sorry but I have one child, my hair is never that perfect, I have no time to go tanning and I didn't get any offers for a free tummy tuck. So where are her kids when she is doing all of this primping? With nannies? That's just great. If she is so worried about them she should be at home with them, forget about her image and be a mother. So it is a very sad situation and looking back on when they did get along, used to have fun and were such an adorable family working hard to raise 8 beautiful babies the situation is a real tragedy. So say a prayer for this family and hope the parents work things out truly for the kids.

Kate Before and After

The family the way they should be

Now I am a fan of the show 18 Kids and Counting. The family has incredible values and NEVER do you see them doing anything extravagant for free or pushing any products on their show. To me it is more "reality" than Jon and Kate but I guess I will just have to keep watching to see how this show pans out. I already notice this family has almost modernized themselves quite a bit compared to how they used to be so we shall see if they face the same sort of fate as Jon and Kate but lets all pray not.

Duggars Before

Duggars Now

Yesterday at work I was told I can not work the week after the 4th of July. See our plant is shut down that week but some people still have the option to work and I said YES I really want to work because not only can we use the money but I have to pay daycare regardless of if Sadie is there or not. So that was really disappointing news. So I asked Steve if he would want to go to Michigan Adventure since I really have been wanting to go to Western Michigan like since I moved to Michigan but he quickly reminded me that we are going to Disney soon. So I decided to brainstorm up things to do so I don't go stir crazy.


Thursday, July 2-Zoo with my mom and cousin Vicki
Friday, July 3-Swimming Lessons and hopefully see Steph
Saturday, July 4-Grocery Shopping and a picnic at home sounds lovely
Sunday, July 5-My mother-in-laws birthday so I'm sure we will do something with her
Monday, July 6-Steve will be home hopefully we will do something together
Tuesday, July 7-Dentist at 4:15
Wednesday, July 8-Haircut at 12:30 p.m.
Thursday, July 9-Steve Dentist at 4:15 and I have school
Friday, July 10-Frankenmuth and Birch Run with Karen, Steph and Mom
Saturday, July 11-Swimming Lessons and grocery shopping
Sunday, July 12-See Bruno

Well as you can see I still have some planning to do but here are some things I want to work in.

Swimming with Sadie
Library
Clean basement
Clean our office
Visit Steve at work
Gym!

So Steve was off yesterday and when Sadie and I got home he had our favorite dinner of hotdogs and chicken flavored rice all ready for it. Sadie decided hers would look better on the floor so she went on to play for a bit while we finished up. She is just so cute and smart and learning so much everyday. She is also getting her other tooth on the bottom so that brings her grand total to 6!


I did more cleaning out of Sadie's clothes and accessories last night and there is just so much to organize it is taking me forever. I really need a few good hours to just work on it and get it all done at once.


Last night I had my masters class online and I had mucho technical difficulties so again I missed out on the chat session. So it is stressing me out and Steve was trying to work on it for quite sometime and just couldn't figure out what was wrong. All is well thought since this meant extra time talking to and watching TV with my adorable husband.

Pink and Black

So today I am sporting a pink shirt with a black necklace, black gauchos (I don't care if they are totally 3 seasons ago, they are super comfy), and adorable pink peep toe shoes. I love it. I pretty much love pink and black and anyone who knows me knows I'm obsessed with the Pink clothing line from Victoria's Secret. I just love the clothes there and they are so cute and easy for a busy mom. Don't get me wrong, I love clothes in general but for lounge clothes hands down it is VS Pink for me. Hopefully, the pink from my shirt will radiate off the bags under my eyes to make them less noticeable since Sadie and I had one of her famous "slumber parties" at 1 a.m.

Saturday we went out to dinner with some friends and it was so nice to get out for a few hours! It was also nice to talk to other adults, lol. The awesome couple we went out with is also expecting a beautiful baby boy this fall.

So yesterday was fathers day and it was spend doing what my husband loves, nothing. My husband is a homebody which I am learning to live with since it is what makes him happy. Sad to say though that Steve developed a chest cold from what he thought was just allergies. I think he is pretty much over it though so it was a quick one. He just stayed clear away from Sadie all weekend which made me sad because I didn't get any good pics of them on Fathers Day. During one of his many naps I went downstairs and organized some of our seems like 100 boxes of baby items to lend to our friends! It feels like it took me forever but it was cute to see all of Sadie's old things and amazing how quickly she has outgrown everything.

Sadie says so many words now and I am still prompting her to put two words together which hasn't been very successful. We were sitting in the living room and heard her waking up from her nap and this is what we hear.

mummbles

MAMMMMMAAAAA

baba?

mummbles

DADDDDDDAAAAAA

So I went in to get her and this is what I found.

She also says the following:

Mama
Dada
Nana
Baba
Baby
Eyes
Eyes
More
Poop
Hot
Up
Hat
ByeBye
Peeepee
Bath
Pooh
Ball
Night Night
Diddy (Dirty)
Daydee (Sadie)
BeyBudden (Belly Button)
HopPop (Reading Hop on Pop)
Boof (Dog Barking)
Doooes (Shoes)
Byper (Diaper)
Annnya (Zenia, Steve's Mom)
Meemo (Elmo)
Ookie (Cookie)

I did manage to get a picture of Sadie with her favorite (only) grandpa. I know my dad is looking down on this beauty.

(yes those are painted toes!)

As you can see she pretty much sports piggie tails where ever she goes now and she is becoming more of a trooper about not pulling them out. Over the weekend I had a little infamous photo shoot with her and her piggies.

So she is obsessed with string cheese and cheese in general, just like her mommy.

So one of my current side projects is planning our family trip to Disney in January 2010. So far I have the airline, car and most importantly - house - all booked. I'm working on the touring plans now but trying to Accommodate everyone is very challenging! I think though that all of us (Sadie, Steve, my mom, mother-in-law, father-in-law, our nephew Eric, Darren (Steve's brother) and his girlfriend) will all have a great time.

When I dropped Sadie off at daycare today I let her walk in and she kept running to the doors and she was smiling and laughing so hard it was too cute for words. She just loves it there which makes me happy because at least if I can't be with her at least she is somewhere she loves.

Phhhhhheeeew, I think that is all my ramblings for now.