FB Me!

Katie Cavender-Smith

Create Your Badge

In Retrospective

So looking back on my life I would do so many things different. I know a lot of people say they have no regrets and everything is a learning lesson but I totally don't agree with this.

1. My past relationships-This is by far my biggest and hugest regret of my entire life. If I ever could give my daughter (or son for that matter) any advice it would be to WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE! This sounds so cliche but I so regret ever giving my heart to anyone else besides my husband. The biggest mistakes of my life. I feel like so much effort and time was wasted on people who I don't even talk to and I want nothing to do with. I'm sure these people aren't sitting around crying that our relationship ended or what I am up to today or anything. It is really a shame and makes me feel horrible inside when I think about it.

2. Education-I totally regret taking my sweet time on my education. I see others around me that are 4-5 years younger and they are already done with their masters and making way more than me. This is again a horrible feeling that I just wish I would have made a career choice, went to school full time and now I would not have school on my plate as well.

3. Marriage-I love my husband more than words can ever say. Between the time we met in August, we were living together by November, engaged by March, pregnant by July, married in October and had our daughter in April 2008. We moved way to fast. Wow. I always think back to the days we dated and how wonderful the time was. I always wish we had more time like this. More time to know each other, more time to travel and do fun and adventurous things, more time to be spontaneous, more time to get to know each others family and just in general more time. There are so many things I feel like we missed out on. We completely lost all of our friends once they found out we were pregnant. Everyone suddenly became "too busy" or any other excuse to just not be there when we needed them the most. I feel like no one was really behind us during and at our wedding because they felt like we had not known each other long enough. The wedding was thrown together so quickly and everyone just assumed it was because I was pregnant (completely not the case we were engaged before we got pregnant). I felt like I was no better than any other girl that got pregnant and then went out and married the guy. My husband hated our wedding day and hated the service (for reasons I'm not going in to). It was such a mess. Then our honeymoon was on a cruise ship from hell and we came home to a mountain of debt we didn't need when we were 6 months away from being parents. Just all a total horrible debacle.

4. Having kids-I love my daughter I just wish I had done everything different for her. I wish I would have been stable financially and emotionally for her. I feel like she too got short changed on everything. She also came into this world with a stigma of being "conceived before marriage." I never had a baby shower and I could count the number of visitors we had in the hospital on one hand (partly my fault). It is just depressing to think that she was not born into a loving and welcoming situation. I see other acquaintances planning feverishly for their baby, doing the room, having a shower, doing all that exciting girly stuff and I just missed out on it all. We never painted or prepared Sadie's room and everything we had we bought ourselves except for boxes of handmedown clothes. My plan, if I ever had children, was to work part time and spend part time at home with them. Again, another plan that came unraveled once we realized this was not financially feasible. Now I see my little girl growing up and everyday I feel like I am missing out on everything and all of her caretakers control her every need and feeling.

5. Career Moves-If I could change something about the career aspect of my life it would have been to be a better employee. Listen, I know I have been a sub par employee in the past and let other things get in the way. I have broken bridges that could have led me to an amazing career and right now I wouldn't be scrambling and praying that someday I would reach exempt employment. I regret not having motivation and now leading my husband to constantly be on the edge about the axe coming down on me at any minute just because of the way the economy is and the nature of the industry I am currently in.

6. My health and body image-Had I been smart and done things the right way I would now not be plagued with all the things on my body that ail me. Had I used the inheritance right that I got from my dad I would feel so much more confident and secure in myself. I would have worked out more, gotten medical attention when I needed it and taken up some sort of physical activity.

Still Alive

So I'm still alive. Just have not blogged in quite sometime. This week just flew by and I can't believe it is almost August. We have just had such crappy weather you would think it was still April around here.

This week I had to work Friday for the first time in a long time so that was a drag and having 2 days off felt like nothing.

So Thursday night we got out of class at 8:30 p.m.! It was the most amazing thing ever. So when I came home Steve was still up and we had ice cream in bed. It was so awesome just sitting, talking and eating ice cream with my hubby. Perfect.

Friday after work I met mom up to get Sadie near where she was dog sitting. We stopped at Papa Vinos to eat since it was close and it was some of the most amazing food I have had in awhile and the entrees were on sale for $10! I had the Penne Carbonara and it was so mouthwatering. Sadie was being such a good girl until she decided she was done and threw her "glass" plate on the "tile" floor. I was so embarrassed because it made this huge crashing sound and glass went everywhere but luckily no one was injured. I was so apologetic but the man who came to clean it up was really nice about it.

So after that we went home and met Steve and Sadie went to bed. Get this...Steve and I again had ice cream and watched a few episodes of The Office season 2. Again a fabulous night.

We are really starting to get into this show since one of Steve's friends from work lent him the first season. It is no surprise since I loved the movie Office Space and it is pretty much the same.

Saturday, Sadie was up at 6 something so Steve got up with her and then I got up too (reluctantly) and we had our traditional McDonalds breakfast which was delicious! So Steve left for work and I got ready for the gym. I put Sadie down for a little nap before hand and I planned on taking one too but it didn't work out since I had so much to do around the house. So when we got to the gym I was so worn out I didn't think I had the energy to do anything but I forced myself. I started with weights this time and moved to cardio and surprisingly when I got to cardio I suddenly got a second burst of energy. Awesome!

So we had swimming lessons at 11 and my mom came and joined us so it was nice to have some help and we had a good time. Sadie did not want to blow bubbles but did want to drink the water, YUCK! So after that we were hungry, and lazy, so mom and I ordered Dan Good Pizza, typical. So we ate, gave Sadie a bath and put her down for a nap. Then I was just so tired and wiped out I told my mom I was going to lay down for an hour and then go grocery shopping before Sadie woke up. So I wake up 3 hours later to the sound of my mom snoring. Great.

So I got up and cleaned the house a little more before Steve got home and then we ended up going shopping together.

So Sunday, Steve got up early to do a side job and Sadie was of course up at the crack of dawn so we got up and had cereal for breakfast and then I worked on cleaning the bathroom. How brave am I that I let Sadie walk around in there while I was cleaning. So of course I was cleaning the toilet and I was telling her it was dirty and don't touch and she proceeded to put her hands in the toilet bowl anyway. Then she thought that when I was washing her hands it was the funniest thing ever.

So we left to go to Target because we needed a new shower curtain and I wanted to get some of that tilex clean shower stuff. I swear to goodness I have the absolute worst luck with bathroom mold and mildew. Basically everyweek we have to clean, I mean really clean, our bathroom it is horrible. By the way that "Moby" faucet cover I bought a while back IS NOT mold proof! I should have taken photos of how moldy it was, gross!

So when I was leaving Steve called to say he was done and to meet him at his moms. So I headed over there and had an uncomfortable encounter with the other side of the family and we were out of there quickly.

So I rode out to Livonia with Steve because he had to fix something on a job he did out there. It literally took him less than 5 seconds. So we were trying to decide if we wanted to go to Ikea or not and finally we decided, YES!

So by the time we arrived Sadie was sleeping and we went straight upstairs so I could have my favorite meatballs and mashed potatoes for lunch.

So after we ate we walked around for about 45 minutes and picked up a few new things.

Chairs to match the table my mom bought Sadie.

A new duvet cover.

A new door mat.

So we came home from our shopping trip and put everything a way and all and I continued to fold clothes and clean house and then we decided to go to the gym before it got too late.

So we packed Sadie up and went around 3:30 p.m. so I could make the 3:45 p.m. yoga class. I was really struggling in this class and I don't know if it was the instructor, I was tired or what but I was really slow and weak. The instructor was very good though with her words and all during the session and it was very peaceful. My favorite part of course is the end meditation.

We came home after the gym and I made shake and bake chicken, corn and chicken flavored noodles for dinner. Sadie went to bed around 7:05 p.m. and Steve and I got ready to go out and to a bowling event for his work. It was a lot of fun and the people we had on our team were nice so it was a good time. The event started at 8:30 p.m. and we stayed till 10:30 p.m. and only played one game since there were so many people on our team. It was fun thought and nice to get out. I only boweld a 62 which I think was the lowest score there. I need to do something more though so I get some affection from my husband in public...this worries me.

Are you a mouse?

So Sadies new word is cheese. It started as "deese" but now is very clearly "cheeseee." She is just too cute.

So Fast

Why do the weekends go by so fast?

This past weekend was a long one for me and unfortunately not a fun one.

Thursday:

Before I left work I finished up my scholarship application for SHRM, wish me luck it is $5000 toward my tuition which would be such a blessing!

So Steve, Sadie and I all met up at Red Robin per our usual schedule and Sadie was abnormally cranky. She refused to sit in the high chair and unfortunately for us she is learning how to get out on her own.

So Steve decided to just leave and it was around 4:15 p.m. so I decided to go over to Oakland Mall for a bit before class and check out some more "mature" stores. So I went over to NY&C and checked some things out and to my surprise they had quite a bit on sale so I decided to pick some cute pieces up. I must admit it was not as bad as I thought.

I also bought this purse in the camel color but ended up returning it because I figured I have a bunch of other purses.

School was so brutal and again we didn't get out till around 9:30 p.m.! I just can not take the all nighters.

So on my way home I was still thinking how annoyed I am with myself and I decided I was going to do something about it so when I got home I cut my hair. Yep, did it myself.

Well, lets just say Steve was not too happy with the outcome.

Friday:

Sadie and I rolled out of bed around 6:30 a.m. but layed around the house until 9:00 a.m. before getting motivated to do anything. So once we were up and in action we went to my moms house to help her with her garage sale where she was also selling a bunch of my unneeded junk. It was a huge success because we ended up making $350 between the two of us ($100 was mine). I was so happy.

So since it was (finally) hot out I decided to get Sadie home and get her nap since she seemed tired. So once Steve got home we just hung out around home for the rest of the night.

Sadie was just not going to sleep so we tried to drive her around for awhile since this typically does the trick but no way this time. So Sadie woke up around 8:30 p.m. and she was just so miserable and just drooling so much all over the place like we have never seen before. We tried to do everything we could for her and she eventually went back to sleep around 10:00 p.m. and was just inconsolable so we decided to just give it up and take her into the ER. So we got to Beaumont and I swear I just dread doing this. When we arrived we were checked in and taken into a room in under an hour. So it was around 11:30 p.m. by this time and Sadie was pretty content and walking around and all. Steve and I were so tempted to just leave but we decided hey we are here lets just get her seen and be done with it. So my mom showed up around 12:30 a.m. ish and we still had not been seen. Around 1:30-2:00 a.m. the doctor finally came and and checked her out well when he laid her down and looked in her throat and it was all swollen and bumpy and her tummy had a rash on it that we had just though was kind of a diaper rash. Turns out she had hand, foot and mouth virus and an infection in her left ear. So the doctor had to of course go and call her doctor and get her some medicine etc. about 3:00 a.m. Sadie finally falls asleep and the nurse comes in with the medicine so of course I had to wake her up and she was MAD. Well, around 4:30 a.m. we were finally discharged and Sadie slept all the way home.

Saturday:

So we missed swimming lessons since we were in the ER all night and Sadie was not well enough to go anyway. Poor baby was just so miserable. My mom came over around 9:30 a.m. which was just when Sadie happened to get up. I rolled out of bed around 10:00 a.m. and got a shower and ready to go out since we had some things to do.

My mom and I stopped at McDonalds and grabbed Sadie some lunch and then headed over to Wal-Mart to meet up with Steph for lunch. Sadie was in great spirits and I never would have known she was sick at all. Well, we ate at subway and it was delicious of course. I did my shopping and Sadie began to get progressively more cranky. She eventually was just over it. She even lost her new shoes in the store :(

So my mom and I took off to get her medicine and then head home and she was just bad by this time. So my mom and I took turns rocking and consoling her and she just would not go to sleep.

So we gave her a Popsicle outside and she seemed to be okay and was running around again.

So that night Steve and I had already told a friend we would come over for a little bbq so we decided we would still go since my mom had Sadie and she seemed to be doing good. So when my mom got home she said Sadie went right to bed with no problems.

Sunday:

We all stayed home and hung out around the house. Steve's parents stopped by and by this time Steve was not feeling well. So we decided to order out since we were all just like blah and didn't want to deal with cooking. So we decided to order Buffalo Wild Wings and the fun began. So we placed our order: one rib combo with fries, 24 boneless wings with the sauce on the side and an order of wedges. So my sickly husband drove up to the restaurant and we brought the food back home. Well, apparently they misunderstood Steve because the wings were doused in sauce and the wedges were in the combo and fries were on the side! So my father-in-law touched all of the wedges so Steve and I didn't want any after that. So Steve got mad and just said he would cook himself something at home. I was like NO! I am not wasting $17 on all these wings to just toss them. So we called the store and the manager was rude about replacing everything! He kept asking me who took the order and did they read the order back to us?!?! Like we remember! So he said he would replace the wings but no more wedges! Give me a break. So we go back up there and as we are leaving my father-in-law has Sadie on the couch and is letting her pull down the blinds! Steve was so mad! So we get to Buffalo Wild Wings and they don't have the food ready or anything so I have to wait and wait but then they gave us a $5 off coupon for our next visit so whatever.

So for the rest of the night we just lounged around and relaxed.

Monday:

So I stayed home from work with Sadie since I was still a bit worried about the little lamb. I worked from home for awhile so it worked to my advantage. Sadie was up at 6:00 a.m. so that was brutal. I ran up to Kmart to get Sadie some new shoes since she didn't have any and they ended up having some cute ones. Sadie ended up going back down for her nap after I grabbed lunch from Chipotle around 11:30 a.m. So while Sadie slept I cleaned more and worked more so it worked out great.
Steve came home from his side job and left right away to go to the urgent care clinic while I took Sadie to her pediatrician. The doctor looked at her and said she looks better but to keep up with the amoxicilin they gave us at the ER since her ear was still a bit infected. He said she was good to go back to day care since she was not running a fever and her throat looked good. So for dinner we ordered Dan Good Pizza again and it was as delicious as ever. We all retired early for a good nights sleep.

Loss of Identity?

I think I am going through an early midlife crisis. Lately I feel like I am 13 again and at an awkward age where I couldn't shop in the girls but didn't want to go to the ladies section. I am having major drama regarding my wardrobe and my whole being in general.

When I try to shop I go to my typical stores which include Hollister, Abercrombie, Forever 21 and Wet Seal. When I go in I feel like all of the 15 year olds are wondering what the old lady is doing in there? Yet when I try to shop at J Crew or NY and Co. I feel like everything is so mature and unstylish and not to mention expensive!.

I feel a similar lack of spunk from my hairstyle. My typical "reverse mullet" doo where it is long in the front and spiky/fun it the back just looks like a 16 year old trying to still be young and my makeup seems so gaudy for a mom. I totally don't want to be a poser or embarrass my daughter by dressing too young but I am at a total loss of how to act/look/dress now that I am almost 26.

I have also heard from unnamed people that I act too immature for someone with a child?!?! Too immature? I am a total kid at heard and love to have and not act my age. So does this mean I should stop being who I am?

I need to find my "new" identity and find it fast.

In other news it seems like Sadie is saying something new every day and I feel like I am not keeping up with it all. Last night she said "tann tue" for thank you! So adorable. I just love that little chick.

So I am majorly depressed that I have school tonight but excited that since it is Thursday night that means one thing, Red Robin dinner! Yes! So good.

I have a paper I also need to start on my personal development. What grade are we in again?

Annoyed

I am so annoyed at work today. Our entire computer system is down and we can't go home. Grrr. Just sitting here and wasting away. Even the Internet is going at caveman speed. Someone save me.

Bite me

So yesterday Sadie came home with her first accident report, she got bit. Sad. I was sad to read this and don't ever want anyone to hurt her ever again. She is my precious baby.

Steve, Sadie and I went to the gym last night and I did a strength class. Despite the fact I can hardly walk today I had a good workout. I went to have my midnight snack of moose tracks ice cream and when I saw there were 250 calories in 1/2 cup I opted for a banana.

I had my last online chat session last night and I am so glad that is over with. Lets just hope I ace the class so I keep my all A status alive.

End of my vacation as I know it.

So my pseudo vacation is over. Well, I guess technically it was over at midnight last night.

So here is the weekend in review.

Thursday: We got out of school around 9:30 p.m. and I could not wait to get home. I hate it there and just am so not into it anymore (not that I ever was really "into" school unless you count high school). That night we heard about the terrible crash that took the lives of 5 teens in a nearby city. This is such a tragedy and I pray it never happens again and I can't imagine what the parents are going through.

http://www.detnews.com/article/20090713/METRO01/907130323/Driver-in-train-crash-made--bad-choice-/?imw=Y

Friday: So Friday we had big plans that my mom, bff, Sadie and I were all going to Frankenmuth. Frankenmuth is a little German village about an hour or so North of where we live. We were slated to depart at 8:30 a.m. So at 9:00 a.m. I still sat waiting for my mom and Steph and still no sign of either. Well then Steph showed up and my mom rolled in about 15 minutes later and still had not cleaned out her car or anything. It was fine though because this allowed Sadie to hang out with her favorite aunt for a little bit before leaving. So we all piled in the car around 9:30 a.m. which was expected since we are at least an hour late in everything we do.

Of course we stopped at McDonald's for drinks first.

The halfway there mark.

We didn't know what the heck this was but we had to take a picture of it. It was some kind of yeti made out of hay but it was so random.

Sadie ready for driving lessons.

Little German baby.

My mom and I in silly hats.

Pretty water feature.

We must load up on every goody when we are there including taffy and fudge.

The speciality cuisine of the area is chicken dinners and appropriately we saw a chicken topiary or as I called it a chicopiary.

Our favorite place to get our chicken dinner.

Sadie wants more and we just started.

Trying to get her to pose for the camera.

Up we go into Rau's Country Store.

Yumm, what shall I pick?

So my mom is notorious for stupid purchases and on this trip she picked up sandstone coasters for her car cupholders. So obxnious.

I purchased this plaque which I informed Steve is the new mantra of our home. I converted it to pencil so you can see what it says.

On the ride home.

So earlier in the day Steve asked me if I wanted to go to the Tigers Game because someone at his work gave him tickets, YES! So after we got home we took off for the game and my mom so kindly watched Sadie.

Gas to the stadium $7

Parking $10

New Tigers hat for Steve and inflatable bat for Sadie $40

Two drinks $10

Spending a much needed date with the one you love, priceless.

Saturday:
Friday night Sadie did not sleep well yet again. I still swear that her teeth are bothering her since she is cutting two on the bottom so we were up from 2:00 a.m.-4:00 a.m. and it really messed up our sleeping pattern.

So I WANTED to get up and go to the gym at 9:30 a.m. and get in a work out before swimming lessons but we didnt get up until get this....10:00 a.m. So we had to go straight to swimming and that was all for the day. So Sadie did better this time and she layed on her back for a few minutes which was good for her but she did try to bite the pool noodle thing even after I told her no like 6 times, lol.

So after swimming we went up to Wal-Mart to check out Stephs new office and we tried on a few pairs of glasses and then went shopping for everything that we could before lunch. Around 12:00 p.m. we met Steph over at the Subway in her store for some very, very good lunch. My mom showed up and so did her friend (and ours), Karen with the little boy she is a nanny for who's name is Steele. He is so adorable and Sadie kept saying "hi baby." Even though he is like 2x the size of her yet he is a month younger. We all ate lunch together and it was nice to sit and laugh and talk for a while. Makes me so happy inside.

After lunch and shopping my mom took Sadie with her and Karen while I ran to Costco for wipes. It never fails that everytime I step foot in Costco the place is a mad house and Saturday was no exception. So I went in got my wipes (and a few new Dr. Seuss books) and got out of there as quick as possible. I then went and stopped at another store called Hobby Lobby since I was baby free I wanted to check it out. It reminded me of a typical craft store but they had a great deal of nice things and I would just love, love, love to decorate my house in all of the wonderful (and cheap) things they sell there.

For dinner I made some of this new Barilla Three Cheese Tortellini with meatballs and spaghetti sauce. It was quite good.

So that night my mom and I made a date to go see the new movie Bruno. Steph was supposed to go too but she couldnt at the last minute so we still went. The move was funny but extremely raunchy! WOW!

Sunday:We went to church again at 9:30 a.m. (we are on a roll) Steve suprised me by dressing both himself and Sadie in yellow polos and khaki pants, too cute! The sermon was very good and it was a lot about how we can not be silenced in our religion.

After church Sadie took an early nap since we were going to visit Debbie (Steve's brothers girlfriend) after she just had surgery. This was how I found Sadie sound asleep. I did move her!After she woke up we headed over to Debbies for dinner and to visit with her adorable 8 month old grandson who is an absolute doll. I was tempted to take him home with me. After we got back home Steve had to get ready for a job so he had to organize a bunch of stuff and Sadie and I hung out around the house and also took a quick walk around the block. I kept getting hot and cold all night long and since it went into the 40's I could not get comfortable. Then I have this crazy things where my hands get to hot it is the funniest thing ever. I think I had a little anxiety about returning to work and all and making sure everything is ready to go.

School Days

So I'm in school right now and it sucks. I hate lectures. I really hate group projects. That is all I have to say about that.

My Aunt Linda called me up a few hours before I left and said she wanted to stop by for a visit. It is always nice to see my aunt whom I love so dearly. Sadie hung out with Linda while I finished making Lasagna for dinner. As soon as Steve got home my mom showed up just a few minutes later and then Steve and I ate right away and the lasagna did not turn out good at all. Yuck. While my aunt was there we discussed going up north to her cottage which I think sounds like fun and it would be nice to hang out with her since she is turning 50 the week before we would go.

So Steve had to leave for his dentist appointment (forgot to mention that I am cavity free) and after a few minutes with my mom and my aunt I had to go too.

A few other updates, Sadie now says, "Min Me" for Minnie Mouse, "Hi" to everyone and everything (example, hi mommy, hi daddy, hi baby) and when I put her down for her nap and walked out I heard her go "bye."

Also known as

So Sadie has quite a few nicknames.

Sades
Saders
Sads
Sadie McVadie
Sadie McVee
Sadie McMadie
Vaders
Vades
Maders
Babes
Babsickle
Sweetie
Sweetie Pie
Honey
Honey Pie

She answers to them all but not to the word no.

I have since installed child locks on ALL the cabinets and drawers.