In Retrospective

So looking back on my life I would do so many things different. I know a lot of people say they have no regrets and everything is a learning lesson but I totally don't agree with this.

1. My past relationships-This is by far my biggest and hugest regret of my entire life. If I ever could give my daughter (or son for that matter) any advice it would be to WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE! This sounds so cliche but I so regret ever giving my heart to anyone else besides my husband. The biggest mistakes of my life. I feel like so much effort and time was wasted on people who I don't even talk to and I want nothing to do with. I'm sure these people aren't sitting around crying that our relationship ended or what I am up to today or anything. It is really a shame and makes me feel horrible inside when I think about it.

2. Education-I totally regret taking my sweet time on my education. I see others around me that are 4-5 years younger and they are already done with their masters and making way more than me. This is again a horrible feeling that I just wish I would have made a career choice, went to school full time and now I would not have school on my plate as well.

3. Marriage-I love my husband more than words can ever say. Between the time we met in August, we were living together by November, engaged by March, pregnant by July, married in October and had our daughter in April 2008. We moved way to fast. Wow. I always think back to the days we dated and how wonderful the time was. I always wish we had more time like this. More time to know each other, more time to travel and do fun and adventurous things, more time to be spontaneous, more time to get to know each others family and just in general more time. There are so many things I feel like we missed out on. We completely lost all of our friends once they found out we were pregnant. Everyone suddenly became "too busy" or any other excuse to just not be there when we needed them the most. I feel like no one was really behind us during and at our wedding because they felt like we had not known each other long enough. The wedding was thrown together so quickly and everyone just assumed it was because I was pregnant (completely not the case we were engaged before we got pregnant). I felt like I was no better than any other girl that got pregnant and then went out and married the guy. My husband hated our wedding day and hated the service (for reasons I'm not going in to). It was such a mess. Then our honeymoon was on a cruise ship from hell and we came home to a mountain of debt we didn't need when we were 6 months away from being parents. Just all a total horrible debacle.

4. Having kids-I love my daughter I just wish I had done everything different for her. I wish I would have been stable financially and emotionally for her. I feel like she too got short changed on everything. She also came into this world with a stigma of being "conceived before marriage." I never had a baby shower and I could count the number of visitors we had in the hospital on one hand (partly my fault). It is just depressing to think that she was not born into a loving and welcoming situation. I see other acquaintances planning feverishly for their baby, doing the room, having a shower, doing all that exciting girly stuff and I just missed out on it all. We never painted or prepared Sadie's room and everything we had we bought ourselves except for boxes of handmedown clothes. My plan, if I ever had children, was to work part time and spend part time at home with them. Again, another plan that came unraveled once we realized this was not financially feasible. Now I see my little girl growing up and everyday I feel like I am missing out on everything and all of her caretakers control her every need and feeling.

5. Career Moves-If I could change something about the career aspect of my life it would have been to be a better employee. Listen, I know I have been a sub par employee in the past and let other things get in the way. I have broken bridges that could have led me to an amazing career and right now I wouldn't be scrambling and praying that someday I would reach exempt employment. I regret not having motivation and now leading my husband to constantly be on the edge about the axe coming down on me at any minute just because of the way the economy is and the nature of the industry I am currently in.

6. My health and body image-Had I been smart and done things the right way I would now not be plagued with all the things on my body that ail me. Had I used the inheritance right that I got from my dad I would feel so much more confident and secure in myself. I would have worked out more, gotten medical attention when I needed it and taken up some sort of physical activity.